The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

There’s no shortage of Bimmer love ‘round these parts. For example, I just penned a 7000-word ode to the M3 (please go read that), and at least one R&T staffer has a roundel tattooed on their nipple. Probably. The M3 exercise saw us gather a pristine example of each generation, E30 through G82, for a shootout on Mid-Ohio’s legendary curves. We spent two days reveling in the light that shines from Bavaria’s finest, and when it was all over, I hustled a time-capsule E30 M3 back to the airport. I lead a hard life. The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

During the afterglow of that M3 rodeo in Ohio, I borrowed a 2021 BMW M5 Competition for a weekend in Oregon wine country. This should have been an ideal time to drive the M5, my brain still awash in M3 feel-good juice. But during my first minutes in the M5, somewhere just south of Seattle, I brushed the brake pedal. The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

My face nearly cannoned through the Bimmer’s windshield. I blamed traffic—the stretch of asphalt between Seattle and Tacoma is one of our nation’s most congested chunks of highway. So when the sea of faceless Teslas finally parted, I hammered the M5’s twin-turbo V-8. Hard.

But that first inch of brake-pedal travel brings on a huge portion of the M5 Competition’s stopping power. The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

Hence my forehead’s date with tempered glass. This incident was not isolated. After a week slogging city streets and hustling Oregon’s finest winding asphalt, I never came to grips with the big sedan's touchy brake pedal. Or just driving the thing in general. The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5

At low speeds the abrupt brake calibration caused balky, jerking stops. The chassis sent up expansion-joint clunks like rifle shots from the road, and the M5’s suspension had far less compliance than a luxury sedan ought to. BMW’s lane-keeping assist tugged violently at the wheel, which sent my heart racing whenever the M5 strayed too close to the edge of the road.

All that caused more than a dab of grief for my long-suffering wife, who’s nursed a herniated disc for years. And despite a lifetime spent rejecting self-love for self-flagellation, I’m convinced this is a calibration issue, not errant programming of the flesh-bag at the wheel.

So The Competition Badge Killed the BMW M5